A Letter

I wrote this not long after my first EMDR session.  The session obviously dug up a lot of "stuff".


Dear person that gave birth to me:


Damn you for calling me a selfish bitch over and over again.

Damn you for not listening.  Over and over again. To this day even.

Damn you for manipulating me.

Damn you for not accepting what I did as good enough.

Damn you for not sticking up for your family.

Damn you for making dad hit me.

Damn you!  Damn you!  Damn you!

I know things weren't easy for you. I know you took your fair share of shit as a kid. But damn you for thinking I could solve all your problems!

I was a kid!  I was doing my best to please you so you would stay off my back, but nothing was ever good enough. There was always one more spec of food on the dishes before they went in the dishwasher. There was always one more spec of dirt in the bathroom sink. You would never let me do things on my own because you were afraid of the mess it would cause.

You think you did an awesome thing by putting me in the hospital for two years, but then you want a fucking pat on the back because YOUR insurance paid for it. It's your fucking job as a parent to raise me. It's a thankless job.  But you do it anyway. You don't put your child on guilt trips because you don't think they show you enough gratitude?

With all the shit you pulled, why the hell would I have an ounce of gratitude for you?!  Because you gave birth to me?  You could've done us both a favor and skipped it.

You try to make up for all your mistakes by telling me how great I am. But guess what. I don't believe a word you say.