Be Careful With What You Ask For

Well, when you go looking for it, life will bring it to you.   I've been struggling with how calmly I handled crap that happened earlier this week. Yes, you read that right - struggling with how well I handled something.   And struggling with a feeling of lack of emotions. Well, today I learned I do still indeed have emotions and they will hit me like a ton of bricks and the worst time.

I was out trying to run a couple errands and within five minutes, I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Seriously, who gets pulled over for shit like that. Apparently I do, because I am a cop magnet.  You'd think being married to one would exempt you from stuff like this, but it doesn't.

Within a minute of the cop approaching my car, I had lost it. I don't think the officer knew what happen. One minute he's telling me he pulled me over for not having my seatbelt on and the next minute I'm balling my eyes out. And then a second cop showed up. I swear I thought they were going to put me away for having a mental breakdown. Maybe I should've taken them up on their offer to call an ambulance. I'm less likely to screw anything up if I'm locked up with all the other crazies.

Someone on Facebook pointed out that maybe getting pulled over saved me from something worse happening. Maybe. Everything does happen for a reason.

I know one thing, If life is trying to teach me something I'd sure like to know what the hell it is.   It needs to make things a little more clear for me because I'm obviously not getting the hints. I dunno, maybe I'm being tested so I can see how much stronger I am. Maybe it's a lesson teaching me to quit questioning the fact that I'm feeling better and listen to that voice that keeps telling me to let this stupid stuff go.  Maybe something awesome is about to happen and karma is requiring I pay in advance for it. I sure hope I'm paid up because I'm just about broke!