This Parenting Stuff Isn't Easy!

Last week my son's teacher sent me an email saying he was crying over little things and seemed more anxious than usual.  I honestly wasn't too surprised since it is almost the end of the year.  I talked to him about it and he said he was nervous about field day. Last year he didn't win any ribbons and he's worried he isn't going to win any this year.  We run into this issue with EVERY sport he plays in or any type of competition he participates in.  If he doesn't hit the ball, get the ball or win some sort of award then he gets bent out of shape and his whole world comes crashing in on him.

For awhile I avoided putting him in competitive situations because he couldn't handle the let down. But after we got him stabilized on meds, I signed him up for baseball.  I was still hesitant because of past experiences, but I wasn't doing him any favors by helping him avoid challenges.  He has done real well with baseball. In the begining he would get down on himself because he wasn't hitting the ball. However, unlike other times, he seemed to be handling it better.  He kept practicing and finally made contact between bat and ball. He was sooooo proud of himself and really understood how good it felt to stick with something and succeede. I really thought we had made a brakethrough.

Then I got an email from his teacher today about trying to make someone else flush the toliet for him. It may not seem like a big deal as an isolated incident, but my son has a history.  I know why he did it. He's anxious. When he gets anxious he doesn't think about what he's doing. It's like something becomes disconnected in his brain and he just does things he normally wouldn't do.

My first reaction was to tell him he didn't have to participate in field day. I just want him to get through the last week of school without a series of incidents that ruins all the work he has done this year to improve his behavior. As soon as I had the thought, I knew it was the wrong choice.  If I give into him, I'm teaching him to avoid difficult situations. If I give into him, I'm not giving him a safe environment to experience failure. In reality, I'm only making his perfectionism and anxiety worse.

What I need to do is help him identify when he is feeling anxious and what happens when he is. I need to make him feel safe and secure when he has to confront something difficult. And I need to teach him effective ways of dealing with his anxiety.  The only problem with that is I don't know how to do it myself!  How am I supposed to teach my child?!


Through this whole delimma I am reminded that as a parent, my job is to make the right decision, not the easy one or the one my child wants me to make.  Even if that means he will experience sorrow or despair or failure.