I have been an absolute stress ball the last four and a half months. Between my son's troubles, traveling, Magnus traveling, running the kids everywhere, birthday parties, shit with Magnus and 1,000 other things that have popped up along the way. It's all come to a screeching hault. My son is doing pretty well, kids' activities are winding down, no more birthday parties, no imminent travel and no pending crisis.
I have nothing left to occupy my mind with, so the big bad self critical voice is coming out full force. And I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore. This is all the crap swimming around in my head right now:
Went into my therapy appointment thinking I had been doing good and left feeling shitty.
Discovered the meme generator and everything was about some error on some video game. Made me feel like I'm not funny because I can never think of anything funny to make one. And now I can't even find anything funny on there because everything is about a video game.
Set up a Tumblr account and can't figure the damn thing out. I can't find my own stuff to share anywhere. Even if I did I'd question whether it was really funny or not.
I'm pissed off at my mom for screwing me up.
A big page shared my page today and I got maybe two likes from it. I suck at this and should just give up.
Grammar Nazis make me feel like an idiot.
Can't figure out why Adsense won't work on my blog. I really wish we'd get the laptop fixed.
I Never have any energy to get this house straightened up, but I hate living in all this clutter.
Certain bills have stacked up and need to be paid. Just makes me want more money.
My job is boring as hell. There is nothing intelluctually stimulating about it. I'm not even sure it serves much of a purpose. However, it IS a paycheck.
Why can' I just BE HAPPY? Just for an hour!!! If I was happy for an hour, I'd be unhappy that it wasn't longer.
I tried losing weight earlier this year, but all I did was self destruct every attempt I made. I have to go see my skinny health nut sister in laws in a week and a half. I emotionally eat.
I can't think of a picture to put with this post.
I am very afraid of where I'm going to end up on this downward spiral.
OMG, this is me, every day. All the time.
ReplyDeleteI am constantly trying to just make it through the day without yelling too much or feeling too overwhelmed. Some days are better than others. Hang in there! Marian @ just keep swimming
Some days are definitely better than others! It seems to go in cycles. I get ehausted and shut down, rest a bit and then wind right back up again.
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