I'm Done Feeling Sorry

Dear Magnus:

I'm sorry you don't feel appreciated.  Join the fucking club.

You leave for a TWO week business trip in a pissy mood saying you will feel much better when you have some time to yourself, but you come back in a pissier mood than when you left.  You knew I had a shitty week and you knew I was sick, but you still came back not being able to deal with two whinny kids for one fucking night to give me a break.  I'm sorry the long drive made you tired, but fucking suck it up!

I'm sorry our daughter's birthday party was on your birthday and I didn't have time to do anything special for YOUR day.  I know, it's my fault that it was the first available weekend we had to have the party.  Hell, it's my fault she was born four days before your birthday.  If you would have just been patient, you would have been surprised with your own birthday cake next weekend.  I suggested that we go out to brunch on Sunday, but instead you wanted me to get the kids out of the house so you could watch a basketball game.  I'm also sorry I didn't respond to your request with an enthusiastic "YES".  Because the last thing I wanted to think about after running around all week getting ready for our daughter's birthday party was how to entertain two kids for three hours outside the house.

I'm sorry that when I was truly losing my mind when our son was struggling I didn't want you to work late.  I should've sucked it up better when he would scream his head off the entire way home from school that he hated himself and punched himself in the head.  I'm sure you could've gotten dinner prepared nightly while two kids were bickering and screaming they were starving and refused every snack you offered them and fought over who was watching what in what room.  You keep brining it up, but you haven't seemed to notice the times I haven't said a word when you wanted to work a special shift or needed to go out of town for work.

I'm sorry you think I make you feel guilty about changing careers and having to leave for months of training while I sold our house, worked full time, looked for a new house and looked for a new job.  But guess what???  I can't MAKE you feel guilty about anything.  That's all you honey.

Finally, I'm sorry for getting you in trouble at work.  I'm sorry you hate our house because it's always a mess.  I'm sorry I don't do the dishes I use to cook the food you eat as often as you like because I hate it when you put trash in the sink and it gets wet and nasty.  I'm sorry I don't take out the trash more because you cram it so full I can't find the top of the bag without having to dig six inches into the trash.

And now, I'm done feeling sorry.  I'm not going to blame myself for this shit anymore.  I am doing the best I can, I am only human and I am far from perfect.

Love,

Your wife